I have so many things rushing through my brain these days. It is almost impossible to stop sometimes. In moments like this and days like today, it is the equivilant of a natural disaster in my mind.
I have always loved thunderstorms, the way it goes from calm to chaos. I have always loved the rain, the way it cleanses your soul.I have always loved the crashing sounds of thunder, the blinding sight of the lightning. In essence, this is how my brain feels on any given day, at any given moment. I go from calm to chaos, the rain cleansing the intrusive thoughts that fire at will. I have always loved the way the world is after the storm.
I have fought many demons in my life. They come in many forms. The most beautiful creatures are sometimes the most vile and evil. Many demons know where to hit you. They know just which buttons to press, they know just how to take you down. Sometimes the battle becomes second nature and sometimes we give up our will to care. We give into the pain, we sucome to our suffering and we let our demons take the drivers seat. Some of us are built for battle, we are born to fight. Even though it may seem like you will never get past this, all of a sudden the thunder stops if only for a moment. When this happens you must sieze the moment. You must take back the driver seat, and although you may still be at war remember this moment. Remember that you are worth fighting for. Remember that even if your demons get hold of you again, you have done this before. You have fought and you have won.
I am my own worst enemy, I have heard this a million times before. I have impeccable insight but so often I forget how to use it. I can speak but forget my voice. I am strong but forget my strength. It is easy to forget, it is easy to ignore but it is impossible to move forward that way. When I do finally fall apart, it is exhausting, it is debilitating, it is raw. You sometimes forget the ones who are there cheering you on through the storm. These people are important, compassion goes a long way. Remember that in your moment of weakness. This storm will pass and it will bring many other storms after. Luckily for you it will also brung sunshine if you let it. I am not saying it will be easy but it is worth it.